If we agree, then why are we arguing?

If we agree, then why are we arguing?

[Locked in different brain patterns of thinking can cause quite a headache if not conscientiously aware enough to stop it in its tracks…]

Communication errors that we sometimes overlook can cause a lot of misfortune, misunderstandings that sometimes were never there to begin with.

Why should 2+2=4 more so than 1+3?

There is no burden of truth nor a right or wrong answer.

This might seem pretty simple right?

Vehicle’s and communication can carry some very similar factors.

Your vehicle may be making some strange noises, rattling or perhaps guzzling gas and you’re wondering what to do? Do you sit with these strange noises? Let it keep rattling till it drives you crazy. Perhaps the gas is burning more than it should and it becomes rather bothersome.

Communication in relationships can be very similar to vehicle. Now you’re probably thinking “what on earth are you talking about?” Maybe one might be intrigued by this scenario and as I continue as not all things appear the same.

Countless times I’ve found myself arguing over something that I may have agree upon but then got hung up on communication barriers, saying the same thing but five different ways.

Catching these moments where communication shouldn’t seem so difficult can be harder than it may seem when you come upon someone whom may not have the same thinking pattern.

Our thought process are unique to our own individuality…

I often reference the word “Brain lock” in my writing because this is what our brains do at times. This doesn’t reflect right nor wrong, it doesn’t reflect intelligence, nor a person’s character. Simply said is we are all a reflection to ourselves, how we perceive things in life, thought patterns that may signify who we are.

Our brain chemistry are hardwire in such divine ways that no one thought pattern is the same, only similarities carry common factors.

Neurotransmitters in our bodies have always been intriguing because even the slightest change in a person’s diet can send one into a tailspin when it comes to changes in mood and our bodies.

We carry more neurotransmitters (at times called your second brain) in our stomach, our digestive track than we do in our brains. Our bodies communicate on various levels from head to toe.

One could have the slightest snarling pain to cause one to become distracted and lose focus. Perhaps a loved one lives with chronic pain because this too may displace communication. Communication is essential to our everyday lives.

I once had the opportunity to sit at a concert next to a woman who had late onset Alzheimer’s and appeared to be unable to communicate. However, something caught my eye and helped me to realize not all things appear to be as what it might seem. There she rested next to me with her feet bobbin to the beat of the song the band was playing.

There are many ways to illustrate communication far and in between…

Just as relationships take time, patience and effort beyond basic understanding. Communication isn’t bias nor a rebound of endless equations that sometimes get us stuck on 2+2 or however 4 may come about.

We are all built on a foundation that requires communication on various levels. No stone can be unturned without willingness to try.

To create a deeper understanding we need to move beyond what we know, find a way to set aside what we know, be willing to listen, ask questions and keep asking until we hear, feel or gradually notice how we may see things from a different perspective.

Communication can be the most daring of truths…

Unlocking the use of our brains can sometimes becomes an habitual state of being, a mode we become accustom to driving on automatic pilot; a comfort zone beyond reasoning, rationalizing and often overlooked.

Whereas at times patterns can wreak havoc in our everyday lives without a second guess as to why things appear to stay the same.

Just as vehicles can become unmanageable; mimic different reasoning’s as we begin to explore the idea of how complex the problem might be. While your vehicle may be making some strange noises, rattling or perhaps guzzling gas and you’re wondering what to do?

One might begin to ponder on the vehicles condition, become fixated, annoyed and agonized endlessly or become clueless beyond recognizing what might otherwise become in some sort reality or some versions of truth.

Now let’s imagine this car is someone significant in your life….

Your brain has been working overtime…

The car is a metaphor…

Or maybe one might still be pondering?…

Whereas there is nothing more divine than versions of truths or doubts within communication in itself…

However the answers may at times become willingness to be open to someone else’s versions of truth…

Because it is often quoted “there are three versions of truth”…

MB

FeaturedForgiveness versus Acceptance; Catalyst of Unhealthy Guilt

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“Catalyst of Unhealthy Guilt”

It is often said that forgiveness is a healing process, healing within itself is for those who seek it. Forgiveness can be the ultimate sacrifice one does to alleviate pains of sorrow. A sorrow so deep at times it can feel unbearable until one can release this pain.
Then there is another kind of forgiveness that we sometimes seek that can drive a wedge between those we love. The “unhealthy guilt” , sometimes called “Irrational guilt” where it’s not ones to own. Where we mistakenly take on other people’s guilt because the pain can feel horrendous. Pain that can be misplaced where one can only assume this to be true if we didn’t recognize the difference.

[In other terms this can be best described as “Irrational guilt” that leads to “doubts about oneself” and “irrational shame” that is displaced. Hallmark features for Anxiety and OCD.]
When we don’t know the difference between healthy forgiveness versus unhealthy or irrational guilt we may unintentionally place a wedge between those we love and drive them away.
The catalyst of unhealthy guilt; the straw that broke the camel’s back…
Before we go further one must ask themselves,
· Why am I seeking forgiveness?
· What do I wish to gain when asking for forgiveness?
· What action do I wish to receive from someone else in return?
· When does asking for forgiveness become too much?

The healing of our own emotions can only be done through first healing ourselves. This is especially true if you have carried the burdens of unhealthy guilt. But many similar emotions we feel can lead to unhealthy guilt if one suffers from grief or loss, anxiety, depression, etc. But grieving a loss does not necessarily mean the death of a love one. There are many factors in life where one may grieve and most often related to unresolved emotions steaming from circumstances beyond control. Where we feel this lack of control in our lives may become the hindering addictions we seek externally.
Like any addiction, unhealthy guilt can feed into the notion that what we are feeling or what we might be saying to ourselves must be true. The catalyst of an unhealthy guilt can lead to years of chaos in our lives if we do not seek the underline source of our emotions. Unhealthy guilt leads like an addiction and spreads like wildfire through the trees and plains that have become out of control.

Perhaps there were times one found themselves apologizing over-and-over asking for forgiveness believing past circumstances warranted this to be factual right down to the core of one’s conscience state of mind.
My proposed question is to ask “What if there is nothing to forgive?”
In many stages of forgiveness or however one convinces themselves at times by being repetitive in nature to sorrows, it often may drive opposite action upon others we are seeking forgiveness. Perhaps one may become consumed by the “what ifs” in thoughts of sorrows with unhealthy guilt and self-doubts. This combo is like mixing magnesium sulfate and carbonated beverages. Sooner or later it will fester and explode. This course of actions does more harm than good.

Most importantly, sometimes thoughts serve no other purpose than to simply be thoughts.

There comes a time in a person life that one may need to reexamine the situation and ask themselves “why is it that I feel so compelled to seek forgiveness?” Perhaps unhealthy guilt could be the culprit of another’s wrong doing. People generally don’t like to live in past tense and at times this pattern of behavior can hinder one’s ability to move forward into a healthier state of mind. At times communication barriers have taken a toll on others we seek forgiveness. To a sense where one asking for forgiveness hasn’t grasp another’s forgiveness to them.

Is it possible for one to misinterpret such compelling words by repeating the same thing to such great overabundance?
Absolutely, this can happen for several different reasons. Communication can drive a wedge when we misunderstand things. Perhaps someone had said forgiveness isn’t necessary because they felt there wasn’t anything to forgive. At times repeating and saying “its fine or everything is ok overwhelmingly to where a person becomes pressured to reassure another’s pattern of behaviors. This can drive a person away like salt on open wounds; the instability of irrational guilt’s, leaving feelings of hopeless about situations. This kind of repetitive behavior often creates problems by stirring up emotions that may have never been there to begin with.

However just like many addictions unhealthy guilt can become an unhealthy behavior. There have been many discoveries through science and psychology, how the pathways to our brains can change when we change our actions. This is especially true to changing behaviors. Like any addiction or habit the changes start within us. Many addictions and mental health situations are not circumstantial, nor do them fade by the changes we make within ourselves but rather things may become much more manageable as time passes. But only through time can we see these changes as they accrue. Most often great changes can take years to accomplish as we begin recognize what it is we are trying to change. The same is true for unhealthy guilt.

You cannot make up for lost time, nor can a person change what has already been done. We cannot own or accept other people’s faults, nor can we change others wrong doings. The only thing we have in our lives where we can maintain control of circumstance is the control we have within ourselves. Our own emotions, thoughts and our own actions will lead us down a path of choices. It’s that choice we make now, currently in plain view that we may come to embrace towards our future. Like any kind of addiction this too, unhealthy guilt comes with emotional pain when we choose to let go. Because with any uncertainty there is fear and fear can be a powerful motivator.
After all time doesn’t stand still for anyone and neither should you. What we can do is seek a brighter future, take leaps of faith and drive it towards more positive outcomes. When we learn to let go unhealthy and irrational guilt, the chain may become undone and one may no longer be hindered by the inability to move forward but rather gain insight.

Marsha Beede

FeaturedShould Federal or State Prisoners with Dementia or Other Chronic and Debilitating Conditions Get a Pass Because They’re Old?

Should Federal or State Prisoners with Dementia or Other Chronic and Debilitating Conditions Get a Pass Because They’re Old?

[When I read this article it reminded me of my times served best working in memory centers, adults with developmental disabilities and I strongly agree with the Osborne Association. Continue to read to learn more…]

https://www.forbes.com/sites/robinseatonjefferson/2018/05/25/new-report-makes-recommendations-for-releasing-caring-for-aging-prisoners/

By 2030, people over 55 will make up a third of the U.S. prison population; and exploding numbers of seniors in prison and rising costs to care for them are putting the country’s criminal justice system “at risk of collapse,” according to the report by the Osborne Association, a policy advocacy and direct-service organization dedicated to transforming the criminal justice system in New York City.

Elizabeth Gaynes  CEO of the Osborne Association

[“Increasing rates of elder incarceration have reached crisis-level and put unsustainable pressure on the justice system as a whole.”]

The crisis, she said, is exacerbated by the fact that prisons were never designed to be geriatric wards for individuals with a whole host of age-related issues— from arthritic knees, to difficulty bathing, to the extensive medical attention required for illnesses like strokes, emphysema, Alzheimer’s and cancer. “Incarcerated individuals experience a mental and physical decline at a much faster rate than people outside of prison. Research shows that 40% of incarcerated older people are diagnosed with cognitive impairment. For some, dementia becomes so pronounced that they cannot even remember why they are incarcerated in the first place.”

https://www.forbes.com/sites/robinseatonjefferson/2018/05/25/new-report-makes-recommendations-for-releasing-caring-for-aging-prisoners/

http://www.osborneny.org/about/

https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/what-is-alzheimers

FeaturedAbove the Influence

This is truly an amazing site for teens to have a voice. This site has my support, I’d give them a 5 star rating.

 

Above the Influence

http://abovetheinfluence.com/friends-peers/

[There might come a point when you ask yourself, who am I really? Am I being real? Am I still the kid my parents think I am? And more importantly, who do I want to be?

The truth is, you’re a lot of things to a lot of people – you’re interesting like that. You can be one thing online and still be kind of different in person. You can be someone to look up to, and know what it feels like to get rejected. You can be righteous in your decisions and still slip up and make mistakes.

But, with so many versions of yourself, it’s easy to forget the one thing that keeps you real – the pure-grade, original first edition of yourself.

The point is, when you reach the moment where you have to ask yourself, who am I really? Press pause. Hit reset. And remember, you’re Above the Influence.]

http://abovetheinfluence.com/friends-peers/

FeaturedSpirituality; Power of Persuasion

“Spirituality; Power of Persuasion”

Aristotle Wrote:
“All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion and desire”

Spirituality as we know comes in many forms through core values, exposure, personalization, ethnic, culture, religion, beliefs, etc.

Spirituality is within a person’s inner source, intuitive thoughts and how one might perceive things in life.

Elements within a person’s core values may reflect traditional methods through integration and/or congregation within one’s own habitat. One may choose to surround themselves in a manner of how one perceives life’s spiritual values.

Where the wheel spins within ones thoughts and human behavior, actions form in regards as to how a person responds to circumstances in life and at times bring more spirituality into life in such divine ways.

Cause & Effect:

Circumstances within cause and effect may compellingly choose to respond with or without engaging in some form of action. Cause and effect may acknowledge its existence in an underlining source subconsciously.

Through subconscious awareness one may link in some sort of inner source; connective thoughts lay down a foundation of complexity placed within itself. Sometimes collective thoughts may form visions about life, one where most people are better in the abstract of a mindset formation as to how one wishes things to be.

However disarray may at times mimic a cluster of personal distress and how one function in everyday life. At times during emotional distress one might feel as life has become an avalanche.

One where everyday stress may build-and-build until it all unfolds; pours out in a colossal mess…

Finding Balance:

Cause and effect through turbulent emotions may at times linger or fester and lead to explosive reactions when things to become bothersome.

Someone once said “it comes in a can.” This implies at times one can become stuck reminiscing, ruminating and over-thinking situations by setting the stage and making things appears worse than they really are. This at times this may create problems that were never there to begin with. Almost as if one were to mix magnesium sulfate with soda to calm a storm.

However, staying in the present moment and not allowing things to unfold in the heat of moment can lead to more positive outcomes. But also learning to stay mindful with reminders to not let things become bothersome and spiral downward by placing defensive reactions out of an alarming emotional response. Reminders to not to over-think; explaining the same thing 5 different ways.

Finding balance in life will be the most beneficial element to achieving respite within. Most of us will spend a lifetime searching for this. Life doesn’t come with instructions and neither does balancing our everyday lives. But through our own trial and error we can adopt readiness guided by willingness to make personal change.

Conditioned to Crisis:

A crisis can condition a person to stray far from stabilization in any manner within cause and effect, creating an avalanche effect that may continue to build regardless.

Many individuals at one time or another have come across circumstances in their lives that sent them on a mission in an overwhelming emotional state. This doesn’t necessarily change or modify another person’s elevated emotional state of mind, but rather dysfunction may occur.

One may at times mimic or draw conclusions to reflect on their own emotional response, conditioned through a belief system right down to personal and core values.

One may find within their own personal habitat that their own state of mind may react spontaneously to a crisis mode (often referred to as a rescue mode).

Perhaps worrisome thoughts have captured an emotional response and created a downward spiral of emotions flooding in a state of panic towards one’s spouse, family member or a loved one. In a state of panic (rescue mode) to rid unwanted emotions or problem solve we sometimes become compelled in stressful situations to place ourselves in the driver’s seat of a vehicle, only to find that one is in overdrive with their foot floored to the gas pedal based in a state of fear to React! Respond! Do Something!

The Impact Effect:

Many individuals at one time or another have come across circumstances in their lives that sent them on a mission prompted by emotional state of reaction to current events.

At times current events may have unfolded in our community or around the world, leaving a reaction of overwhelming emotional response prompted by chain of events. The cause and effect reactions to how one may feel about presumable actions or a crisis in current events that may prompt a reaction within one’s own emotional state of being.

Unfortunately prompted in a crisis mode in current events we may at times unintentionally create more havoc.

 Spirituality in the Making:

Perhaps a loved one has been ill with a serious medical condition and you find yourself facing fears head on. Maybe it’s a friend having a difficult time managing his/hers mental health distress or perhaps it is someone close to you fighting a drug/alcohol addiction and you feel absolutely powerless to do anything.

In any state of being it can be difficult to carry someone close to one’s heart who inflicts emotional harm onto themselves or others, leaving one to be unable to receive a healthier connection.

In some cases where one’s spiritual beliefs may be in distress and broken down. It can be difficult for a loved one to comprehend the impact of cause and effect. To learn to set aside differences because each person is unique to their own core values when it comes to spirituality.

At times it is necessary to place one’s own spiritual beliefs aside; to be checked in and left at the front door. Individuality creates each person to uniquely define their own core values; their own belief system.

At times ones spiritual beliefs may lead one to believe notions through spiritual entity to be the only path in such divine ways. Ultimately by engaging in a sense of notions disagreeable to another may prompt one to create actions that may do more harm than good.

Validation:
Most often relationships become much more wholesome when a person can relate on a more personal level without judgments and lack thereof the use of words that may hinder a person’s ability to feel validation.

Validation is crucial part of communication when it comes to a healthier connection, whereas one being empathetic in comparison isn’t because it may become misguided words.

Things in life aren’t intended to be all-or-nothing; black-or-white. There are many shades of gray to lay down a healthy foundation in one’s life.

Spirituality Right Down to the Core:

If I were to use addiction as an example with someone struggling to find reasons to believe things will get better. Most often a person’s addiction can spiral into a path of destruction, leaving one’s self-worth, personal core values to plummet downward.

One’s spirituality may have already been hindered collectively through emotional duress without the ability to reason and/or see things differently.

For some spirituality may falter so far that even an avalanche couldn’t persuade one to find shelter.

Quote:

“It is often said when it comes to addictions, mental illness, health conditions one may strive at a bare minimal in times of struggles. One’s ability to maintain a faction of hope strays far, just enough to keep a person on solid ground and living moment-by-moment in any given circumstances where there are shadows of doubts…”

Marsha Beede